Gender Gap on the Job, 3 Rules for
Workplace Harmony

Contributed by Sheri Graves

The battle of the sexes doesn’t have to be a battle, especially on the job. Men and women really can get along. They can work together effectively and can achieve mutually rewarding results without anybody getting angry or throwing a tizzy fit.

The trick is to be aware of how men and women think. Author John Gray wasn’t kidding when he titled his bestseller, “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.” This analogy refers to the fact that each gender has its own mindset, its own way of handling stress, its own way of reacting to perceived slights, its own strategies for success, and its own mechanisms for dealing with defeat.

In his follow-up bestseller, “Mars and Venus in the Workplace,” Gray warns against either gender making assumptions.

An old adage, based on a three-way division of the word “assume,” goes like this: “Do not assume. It makes an ass out of U and me.”

Both genders have a tendency to assume that they have the answers, know what’s going on, and can do a better job than the opposite sex. Such assumptions – or more accurately, presumptions – may be ego-boosting, but they’re just as apt to be wrong as right.

Therefore, the first rule of workplace harmony is this: Thou shalt not assume.

Under this rule, it is inappropriate, ineffective and potentially disastrous for either a man or a woman to presume that a fellow staffer needs help, wants someone else’s opinion, or simply doesn’t know the parameters of his or her job.

Ah, but it’s also foolish to presume that a co-worker is on task or on schedule – particularly in a shared assignment where two or more staffers are working more or less independently on a joint project, the success of which hinges on mutual performance. What to do?

That brings us to the second rule of workplace harmony: Be Direct.

No beating around the bush. No backing into the subject.

Ask, “Do you need help?” Or, in a gentle manner, say, “I’m caught up here. May I help you with anything?”

Don’t ask: “Do you think you could …?” Ask: “Would you please …?”

Don’t say: “Maybe that would look better in green.” Say: “That’s great. But change the color to green.”

Being direct means don’t hint at a solution, as in, “Maybe it would be better if the A tab were inserted into the D slot.” Instead say it straight, as in, “The A tab goes into the D slot.” Don’t say: “Looks like you don’t know what you’re doing.” Instead, say: “If you’re having trouble with this assignment, you need to learn Excel® Advanced.”

Women, comprising the more nurturing gender overall, tend to have the most trouble with being direct because they believe – often erroneously – that subtle hints, creative analogies and open-ended questions will lead to discourse and solution. Men don’t get it because references used by women tend to be obscure to men. Both sides get frustrated and, in the heated finale, she tends to blurt out, “Well if you don’t know what I’m talking about by now, I’m certainly not going to tell you!”

On the other hand, when a woman is direct, men often regard her as “bitchy” instead of “assertive,” whereas the same behavior in a man would be thought of as “aggressive.” So, whether man or woman, it’s a balancing act.

And, here’s the third rule: Thou shalt not offer unsolicited advice.

No man or woman wants to be instructed by the opposite sex when such attention is not needed and not requested. And the word “instruction” is key. Both genders, on the receiving end of unsolicited advice, regard it as unwarranted instruction. They feel belittled, like they’re being talked down to as if they were children.

Yet, women tend to believe they are demonstrating support by offering suggestions. And, men tend to believe they are merely trouble-shooting when they offer unsolicited advice.

While the gender gap on the job will cause tempers to flare periodically even under the best of circumstances, it’s best to keep in mind that keeping abreast of technology in the workplace is the best way to get and hold employment.

It doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg to get basic computer skill training as well as learning Microsoft® Office or other programs specific to your area of interest. Free computer software training is available from Video Professor®.

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